I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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