So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
