planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
