I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
