okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
