took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
