I feel like I'm in dance class right now
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
