just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize