I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize