I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
