saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
