i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
