apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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