i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
