Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
