Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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