Someone shit on the floor
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
