dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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