need another drink. this is the easiest way
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
