What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
