im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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