Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
