my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
