Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
