Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
