Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
