i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
