Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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