Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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