Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
