you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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