I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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