i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
