You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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