where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
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