he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
