who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
