there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
