We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
