Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
