I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
