You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
