my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
