I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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