At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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