No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
