the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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