We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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