I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
