my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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