The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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