remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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