just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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