I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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