I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
