So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize