Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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