when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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