repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
