how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
