and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
