So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Randomize