She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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