Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
