i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
