i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
