At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize