i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
