I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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