She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my shit smells like andre
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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