i barfeds in our rink
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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