A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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