Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
