He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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