let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
