I faked an abortion last night.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
