I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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