I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
